i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
