yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
