I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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