I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
