She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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