im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Drake has all the answers
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
