My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
