Need sex. Gaining weight.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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