in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
