I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
