one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
