I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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