Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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