Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
