If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
