Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
