i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize