i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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