just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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