My first STD was from a foam party
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
