whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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