So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
