Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
