question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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