yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
