Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
