apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
