Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
