So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Church boner. Awkwardddd
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
