walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
