You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize