Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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