remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
