If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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