wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
