Can Purell be used as lube?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
