She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
