the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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