as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
How external is "for external use only"?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize