I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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