I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
