I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
