I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I need to calm my uterus...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
