suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
