it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
