it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
