My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I CAN MOONWALK!
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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