so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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