I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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