And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
