But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
