Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
