I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
