I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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