Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
