While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize