Nicole vs. Life
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
