I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
