i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
