apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
