I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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