All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
