shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
