walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
