Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
