I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
