and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
