At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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