Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
