All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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