she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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