He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
