great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
