oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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