Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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