I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
