I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
