I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
