I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
