I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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