my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's shark week go big or go home
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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