dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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