OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
