Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
