I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
