i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
