yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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