why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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