I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
