Little spoons don't ask big questions
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
