Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We were destined to go to rehab together
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's no shave November. This is our time.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
