Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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