It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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