Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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