Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
