I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
