dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
