I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
