that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
